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" > IS SHITE - - I'm looking for a new one< "
will part with cash !! any suggestions ??

If you have a humerous story to tell then
EMAIL MA HERE !

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Submitted by Ian(Formerly from the Nutty B.C.)
Sweet Sixteen
When we were sixteen and all the pubs in Westhill knew this, we had to go into Aberdeen for a night on the piss. As most of us had just turned sixteen, we were the proud owners of mopeds of many descriptions and,mistakenly, thought they were just the thing for impressing the girls on Union St on a Friday night. One Friday in January 1981,about 5 or 6 of us headed into Aberdeen for a sesh in the Lodge(NOT the Masonic one-it was where the Long Island Iced Tea Cafe is now) and got carried away with the party atmos. There was just me(Suzy GT50) and Emu(Yam DT50) left at 11.30pm and we headed back to Westhill,completely trousered! We wobbled our way through the snow at 20mph or less for 6 miles until we were within half a mile of Westhill when Emu started swerving all over the road. It looked like something had hit his helmet or jacket as there was debris all over him and the bike. He managed to pull onto the grass verge and promptly dumped the bike on it's side. I pulled up behind him and toppled over onto the grass and snow. I got up to see what had happened and said "What the F**k happened back there?" He turned round and pulled his lid off.I looked him up and down and realised he'd SPEWED inside his lid!!! He'd been trying to get his lid off before he barfed while pissed out of his skull and riding at 20mph in snow!! I looked at his lid and his visor and he couldn't see a thing after he puked! As we were almost home, he decided to sling the lid on his arm for the last half mile.I followed behind him so he couldn't see me pissing myself laughing at his vegetable and lager flavoured clothing. I tailed him all the way to his house and he fell off the bike again in his driveway. As he looked up at me,by this time almost puking with laughter,I couldn't help noticing that all the puke had frozen into his face and hair!! I then fell off my bike as I puked up laughing and proceeded to piss uncontrolably!! His Mum came out to see what the noise was and was confronted by two bikes on their sides, her drunk son lying on the driveway covered in frozen spew and his mate hysterically laughing,puking and fouling himself!! I arrived home at 1.30 am and thought it would be a good idea to wake up my folks and tell them all about it!! Why do parents insist on giving you a lecture about being drunk when there's very little chance you'll remember any of it? Might have had something to do with me sitting on the delightfully expensive settee with piss-soaked trousers on!! Next day, I got a phone call from a guy whispering, "Do me a big favour? Please don't tell anyone about last night?" It dawned on me that he had no recollection of me pissing myself or puking in MY lid! I got many years of pleasure out of casting up THAT little episode of his whenever he got a bit cocky!!(I hope he won't read this!!)

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The Wheelie
Ah passed ma test on a honda cd125 and 2 munths efter at ah bocht ma'sell a honda vf 500f2, ah still hid the 125, an ah used it ti ging back an for tae ma wurk, but compared tae the power o the vf, the 125 wiz jist a toy!
ah used tae practice deein wheelies in the car park far ma garage wiz.........Great Fun! .:o)..... A few wicks passed an ah started pickin up een o ma wurkmates tae tak im tae wurk on the back, Which wiz ok, until een morning ee asked ma tae stop by the bunk so ee could get muney,"Nae bother"Ah said, and awa wi wint, Ah stopped ootside the bank an waited for him tae get ees muney fae the cash machine, it wiz 7:20 am and affa busy wi ither folk gan ti wurk an ithers waitin ti get muney fae the cash machine inna........"thinking to masell "I decided tae be a show aff an dee a wheelie pulling awa !..ma wurk mate gets back on !!! Ach, ah dinna ken fit happin't next ?? fit wee the extra weight, or me being half asleep an ower revving her, but the bike jist reared up like a spooked horse an wi baith took aff doon the road "me rinning still on the bike" as if ma dear life depinded on it, in ah the time ma wurk mate screaming obscenities at ma fae the pillion, " He could'na fa aff, because there wiz a top box stoppin him, we must've travelled like at for aboot 50 yards afore ma brain kicked in, an Ah pulled in the clutch tae get the bike back doon again " Thank god it Work'it " Ah pit ma feet back on the pegs, in got oota air is fast is a cud tae avoid ony embarrassment , fin wi got ti wurk ee got aff the bike still shouting nasty wurds at ma through ee's helmet , Ah park'et the bike, an asked him "fit wiz ee shootin for?" as Ah hid gottin him tae wurk safely!! . it wiz then thit ee lifted up eez jeans tae show ma eez shins, they wer poorin wi bleed an hid aboot twinty cuts n bruises on baith o thim............an it the same time explainin tae ma "that fin Ah hid been rinning wi the bike," the sharp heels o ma wurking beet's hid bin kickin him ahh the TIME !!" . . . . . . . . .. Sorry Billy !! . . . :o)

S.K.B

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